rus uncut, no. 6

Probably not a bad idea to uncut today.

Random thoughts:

1. Before I had the dream of somebody posting on my blog: “Your posts have hit rock bottom; your blog sucks,” I had a (BAD, rus!) snoball (bubble gum flavor, if it matters), and then I passed out. There’s no other way to describe it. If my life depended on recalling what happened between 10:45 p.m. and 4:25 a.m., I’d beg for hypnosis to help me along. All I know is, I finished the snoball (I don’t even recall throwing away the cup) and then woke up on the couch, still fully dressed. At some point after 10:45, I’m assuming my wife tried to wake me or she needed to help B get to the bathroom. I don’t know.

I do know it scares me. I’d like to remember my evenings, thank you very much. I remember more when I’ve had a few Guinesses (Guinni?). If I could just stop eating after 7 p.m…. I’ll do that tonight. Baby steps….Baby steps….Baby steps….

So, what’s up with the dream about my blog sucking? I know I’m intermittent, but why all the self-pressure put upon me all of a sudden?

er–there’s your problem right there. “All of a sudden” is a little more than incorrect. These things eat at me all the time. Maybe I need to stay drunk on snoballs 24/7 so I don’t have to think about all of these things (of course, I’m guessing that the snoball induced the wicked you-suck nightmare).

So, Rus, Chill. Relax. You get so uptight about these things. Just. Relax.

Eat less. Stay active. Enjoy the moment. Stop worrying about the past.

So easy to write…

2. When I got up at 4:25 a.m., I still sat on my ass for 2 hours and watched a hurricane crawl toward Jamaica. Thrilling. Morbid, really. Something kicked me off the couch, though (a cat making noise upstairs?), and I made a pot of coffee and decided to NOT sit and write but to stand and walk and move and clean up my office.

When we moved a few months ago, I swore that I would never let the junk build up, and so I spent the morning de-junking my office. I feel good that I did that.

3. Maybe this is something. I only have a small amount of time in the morning to “claim” as mine before the kids wake up. When I do morning pages, I sit. And then they wake up. I’m not saying I should stop doing morning pages, but I am saying that I either need to wake up a tad-bit earlier or tell my kids in the morning that they need to be a little self-sustaining while I work–whatever work might mean for that morning.

4. Maybe none of that matters. I start back at school tomorrow morning for cleaning, meetings, and planning. The students come back a week later. My whole life will revolve around beginning the school year successfully.

Balance, though, right? I still need to do Morning Pages, and as my two girls begin school, I’ll need to work around their schedules for after-school activities and homework help, not to mention just wanting to be with my family in the afternoons/evenings/weekends.

5. Above all other things, I love my family. Regardless of all the other stuff fluttering around in nos. 1 through 4 above, everything at home is just exactly perfect.

4 thoughts on “rus uncut, no. 6

  1. Wow there is a lot there rus — but you already know that! It might be hard with kids in the house but have you thought about not keeping the stuff that you enjoy eating in the evenings in the house? It’s a bummer I know but when I was diagnosed with diabetes I had to stop buying the stuff that I would normally accliamte to eat. If it is there….I would eat it.

    Sadly this means it is not there for my husband either but he has become healthier as well.

    When you talk of “Morning Pages” I assume that is for your writing correct? What about a walk while you think about yourt morning pages and how to work them. My leisurely walk with my dog in the morning is hardly what one would call my exercise but it is movement and it clears my head and my heart. Just a thought.

    I day at a time. I am doing o.k. with my cutting back on the stuff I shouldn’t be eating. I did go out fopr an ice cream last night but it has been weeks since I had one before that.


  2. That’s pretty scary…like Michelle said, one day at a time. I read the post below, about what your doctor said…it’s harsh, but … it has to be, you know? I need to do the same, but I don’t have kids to live for, or a significant other. It’s just me. Different, you know?


  3. Out of all the things you could be stressing about, your blog shouldn’t be one of them. Use this medium to help yourself achieve whatever goals you have, to test out ideas, to work out your stresses, or whatever. Don’t stress about its content. You certainly have some work ahead of you, but letting go of the stress involved and taking it one day at a time is definitely the way to go. You’re not alone in having to make changes, but I for one intend to do it with as positive an attitude as I can muster and will lean on others in my ‘real’ life and in the blogging community for support.


  4. What the heck? You know where to get snowballs and we didn’t get one when I was there? LOL That was a mom comment wasn’t it?
    Remember…enjoy every stinking day! Even now, after all we have been through this past year, I find myself falling back into my old habits. I just got a book last night about super foods to eat. Not a “diet book”, but just a book that gives the benefits of including these “super foods” into your daily intake. I am only going to promise to try one of these foods each week and try to make them part of my weekly intake.It allows me to add something to my diet not taking something away. I’ll send you a copy. Please don’t let the worry get to you. What you should be worrying about is that the Harry Potter series has ended and it’s up to you to write the next blockbuster series! No worries. :o)


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