I was talking with a very good friend of mine the other day about where each of us will be in our writing careers in 2 years. Without thinking too much about it, we defined our patterns of living that, despite some of our greatest attempts, have not really changed over many more than the 2 years we were pondering. He thought that I might return to being a vegetarian (he was surprised that I had abandoned it, but now I find myself returning to it because of several amazing events that happened throughout the day).
I guess at this age–middle 40’s–there’s a groove that’s difficult to break.
For some of us, we’re pretty happy in what we’re doing. I’ve been blessed that my zig-zag energies in teaching and writing have carried me to a pretty good place. I’m writing and publishing on a fairly frequent basis (certainly more of the writing than the publishing), and I’ve established my own press (Ravenwater) to offer more publishing opportunities to writers who want to make a difference with their words.
So I guess this is it, then. Life. As it was prescribed for me, and what I’ve managed to make of that prescription. The aglet’s already been wrapped around the end of this story, for the most part, keeping my life on track (or the possibility of such a thing) until the very end. It’s up to me how tightly I pull it all together, lace up this shoe, and keep walking.
I’ve got some other friends around my age who are in a different kind of groove. I don’t know whether it’s been more bad choices or more bad breaks, but they hate their groove. Can’t find a way to break loose and make some pretty big changes, no matter how many figurative tools–hammers, screwdrivers, saws–I and others might give them to break free.
This is it for them as well. Sometimes, the journey’s no more comfortable than a ride on a dromedary that’s got a little too much on his mind this morning. Slow, bumpy, and downright stinky at times.
We have to embrace who we are, where we are, and where we tend to go. For me, the zig-zag is all about putting my energies into THIS for a few weeks, then THAT for another few, all the while being a Dad to my kids. It’s a tough juggle, and sometimes I drop a few of the balls. But this IS it, and I know that. I have to keep these boots moving as if I had diamonds in their soles.
I know that the photosynthesis of my soul will not shift in its arrangement suddenly and without warning, any more than our planets might re-align with Jupiter and Saturn deciding to switch it up a bit on nothing more than an astral whim…
I wish it weren’t “It” sometimes. You know, that this were a dress rehearsal for the real thing. I’ve done a good job with the blocking, my lines are fairly memorized, and I’m gearing up for a tech rehearsal. But I’ll take a few more dress-rehearsal run-thrus, thank you very much, so I can get it just exactly perfect.
It’s tough, but we have to constantly remind ourselves of where we are right now–and be happy with that and have the courage to refine with each rising sun.
*This entry is dedicated to Courtney, Mark, Theresa, and Brad, all giving me some pretty interesting words on a recent Facebook challenge to sprinkle into tonight’s entry. Can you guess which words I was told to add?